Soulhunt: Desire To Bleed
by Bebe Gurrl
Summary: Two people saw their deaths coming and embraced it with arms wide open. In the afterlife, however, they meet,regretful of accepting death but still trapped within Lifestream. Somehow it isnt too late. KadajxTifa.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own any character. Just the story. :p

Prologue

"_Everyone in the living world assumes that all else is sweeter in the afterlife. No more misery and pain and just eternal bliss. But now that I am here, I have figured it out. Yes—no more pain and oblivion, because everything around you had their lives taken already. Unlike in the living world, you can either decide to hurt yourself or the others, and you can completely lose your logic while trying to make a choice between killing others and suicide."_

"_I still believe that I could be happy in this world."_

"_You should be! You have nowhere to go even if you wish. Not even if you beg! The only ones that could be entirely happy in this dimension are those who do not have a choice and do not have the privilege of comparing."_

"_Comparing..?"_

"_Yes... Comparison! Isn't that right? You had your chance—we BOTH had our chance to live. We loved it in the living world, which is why we can compare. In the afterlife there is only pain and endless waiting for nothing. Exactly why do we hate pain? Because we had experience how it was to be happy… to feel joy and to smile. Compared to the feeling of bliss, pain is awful. We learned to hate it because we simply compare and contrast."_

"_Maybe it's true but you are not entirely correct."_

"… _Well then, you're already here! Take time to experience and you tell me something about it."_

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Not everything in this world goes accordingly, not even when you are a good person. Not even when you have saved the world twice. Cloud Strife knows that. But he is losing his judgment. _This is so unfair,_ he thought, though he knew too well that there is nothing he could do further.

A disease ruptured his beloved Tifa's body and weakened her to the bone. It was not Geostigma or any kind of strange disease. It was a normal illness that is experienced by those who are living. Sooner, her body was doing no good and she began to lose hope. She is a strong person, Cloud knows that. But seeing the disease eat the life out of her everyday, he himself reluctantly wished that it would end her suffering soon.

Despite their prayers, Tifa became worse everyday, and the inevitable happened. Marlene ran to her room only to find her not resting anymore, but at the same time she was not in pain. Being a bright girl, she knew that the only thing that would stop Tifa's pain is death itself.

Seeing her suffer, all of them thought painfully that maybe it was her time. The thought of their good friend Aerith comforted them a bit. "Aerith will take care of her in the Lifestream, right?", a teary and hopeful Yuffie said, and everyone nodded in agreement, knowing that it was the only thing that they could find in that moment.

Cloud smiled to himself. The night before her death, Tifa called for him, wanting to talk about something, as if she already knew that her end was coming.

"Cloud… I've been hearing voices more often.", she whispered in a weak voice. Cloud listened hard.

"Tell me what they say."

"I don't understand. But I'm not scared whenever I hear them. They're ethereal… almost like angels."

Cloud knew what she meant. _They are already welcoming her._

He looked down on her, regretfully showing her that he has accepted whatever that might mean. "Can you hear Aerith?"

"Yes.", Tifa answered, eyes closed with a smile.

The pain seared him like a burning sword thrust into his flesh. _They are.. She is indeed welcoming her._

"Cloud… I'm happy that I've met you.", she was smiling but tears ran down her cheeks. Cloud cannot hide what was building within him as he looked upon her weak, thin form. Tears collected on his eyelids.

"I know it will hurt, but don't try to stop me from coming into the light, ok? Seeing you and our friends, Marlene and Denzel… it makes me feel better, but Aerith knows what's best.", she smiled. Cloud's tears stained her cheek.

For a long time, she could only hear his sobs. Quiet but lamenting, soft cries that she does not hear from him often. Cloud is a man of a few words, and he doesn't easily release his emotions, and she was proud that whenever he feels like doing so, he always considers reaching out to her. She let him cry and let it all out.

"Yes, Tifa… Aerith knows best."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Aerith knew it was coming.

In the afterlife, people would meet. People who do not know each other and people who do. She was special among them because of her powers, but she uses them to help the souls and make the Lifestream a deserving place for them to stay. Every once in a while, she talks to anyone of them, asking them how they feel, if they miss anyone , and other questions that show them she's concerned.

She is about to welcome one of her friends. All the dead people in Lifestream must feel her coming. Soon Tifa would join these souls in her care, and since all of these souls knew something about Aerith, they too would feel the coming of Tifa.

The souls would welcome her.

_It is a good thing, _Aerith thought. _It's good to be welcomed to a place wherein you are new. I will tell the souls to make Tifa feel welcome. _

Well except for one thing. Not all the souls in Lifestream are listening to Aerith. Particularly one.

As Aertih sent her message to all the souls, she concentrates further to make Tifa's coming fit, for she had been a good friend to her. She closes her eyes…

_Kadaj… please do not block your thoughts… _


	2. The Face Of Androgyny

**The Face of Androgyny**

The surroundings in the afterlife, ironically, have more life than that of the living world. Everything seems to be more dramatic and delicate, as if telling the souls that nothing can be more beautiful.

_I'm so lonely._ Kadaj lay on one of the benches in the church. A few other souls came to visit and bow before the sacrament. He got up and looked around. These were the memories of each and every soul when they were living. The Lifestream itself was a memory of the world wherein the every soul used to roam once, except that it was fat too peaceful. Somehow it crossed his mind that this was not meant for him. He laid again on his back.

A girl with freckles appeared in his vision, hovering above him. "Why are you so confused?"

"Huh?", he mumbled, staring back at the girl, her cheeks an ocean of freckles and red blush.

"Your thoughts are so strong, I can hear you from there!", she pointed to a bench at the far right corner.

"It's rude to listen to my thoughts, you know.", he sat up. The girl sat beside him. He noticed that she is carrying a white kitten.

"It's not my fault I heard you.", she answered. "At first I thought you were Aerith and I thought you were talking to me."

"Whatever."

"She speaks with everyone, just to see if they're ok. Don't act as if you know nothing about it! She speaks to you too, doesn't she?"

Suddenly the girl stood up from the bench in excitement. She clasped her hands together and looked thoughtfully at Kadaj.

"She's speaking to me now.", she closed her eyes, as if in prayer.

"Tch.", he let out a loud hiss, rolling his eyes. _Let her talk. _He too closed his eyes, but unlike hers, his was shot hardly… tightly. He brought up his hands and gripped on his head tight. With gritted teeth, he shooed what he knew was yet to come. The slightest sound of her voice irritated him. The grip on his head grew tighter. "Is she gone?!"

He opened up an eye, put down his hands before opening the other. The girl stared at him in fright. "You're weird. I'm going home!", she picked up her kitten and sped off.

_So miserable. You little bitch. _With another hiss he laid back on the bench before diving into a deep slumber.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_Tifa!_

Tifa swore she heard this loudly and clearly from a soul. "Aerith..?", she replied. She could see nothingness, but light touched her form, and it began shining more and more, as if she was moving closer to it. Adorning the light, she raised up her arms to her face.

Her arms! They were healthy and unscarred. Her skin felt like the smoothness of marble. _What happened to my disease? _She asked herself all over and over again before it dawned upon her, where she was and why. _I am a soul. A constant part of the Lifestream. _

_Tifa!_

"Yes… I'm listening.", she almost whispered in reply. The ethereal, feminine voice surely belongs to her dear friend. "I've missed you. At least… we can be together now."

_Open your eyes!_

She obeyed, and saw what she never expected: she was in a road full of people with smiled etched on their faces. Some are old, some too young, but nevertheless amidst their differences, she could see what's similar among them. They are happy. Like a child warped into a fantasy world, she keeps on averting her gaze from one person to another. What's more heartwarming is—they smiled at her back. She took a few steps forward, a smile reaching her ears, tiptoeing to see the marvelous city before her. No machines… no reactors. _This is so different from where I live._

Her excitement wore down a little upon realization. _These are all souls. They are dead… and so am I. _

Tears streamed down her face. Not that she hated the fact that she was already a soul, but because she knows that it will be too long before she could see her family— Marlene, Denzel, Cloud… and the rest of the gang. One by one, they will surely come. Time can only tell. As of now, she could only depend on building friendship among the dead to make the wait worthwhile. And with the company of Aerith, she won't be so lonely at all.

She walked forward. The afterlife is perfect. No wars and hatred. No pain. _No pain….?_ With light fingers, she followed the trail of a tear that rolled down from her eye to her cheek.

The dead can still feel. They are still sensitive. The tear that fell off is a tear of pain—pain that her heart cannot deny. The pain of missing someone, wanting and yearning to see the glimpse of her beloved among the living.

But that is why she had to make friends in the afterlife. She needed someone, anybody, to make her feel at home. Through time she will get used to the new world and it would not be long before the rest of the group is reunited again.

A white kitten suddenly brushed its furry body onto her leg. Tifa looked down, surprised, and saw little feet beside it. She looked up and saw a freckled girl in a high ponytail.

"You must be her friend!"

"What?", Tifa asked with a smile. She bent down on her knees and made eye contact with the girl. _Marlene…_

"Aerith's!"

"Ah… yes. ", she replied. "Is that your kitty?"

The girl picked it up from Tifa's foot. "Welcome to the Lifestream."

Tifa nodded in gratitude. "Thanks. I'm Tifa."

"Crystal!", the girl said. "My house is over there,", she pointed to a nearby apartment. "But most of the time I play with Bambi inside the Church."

"There is a church?", Tifa sked. Crystal pointed to a building that looked like it was built in the Renaissance. She sped off with her kitten.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Steps echoing, Tifa made her way at the center, in front of the sacrament. Her sigh was heard all over the place.

The church was empty and a bit lonely. She looked around. No one was there to pay a visit. Not even Crystal and her Bambi. That girl simply reminds her of Marlene, except that she looked a little sickly.

She sat down on one of the benches and began to sing a lullaby, a song that she sings to Marlene before she sleeps. She is a little too old for stories and lullabies, but she enjoyed listening to them, and Tifa enjoyed singing them anyway.

A creek was heard. Tifa stepped and turned around. _A voice… I can hear a voice! … Aerith…? No… it's…_

She turned around, surprised to meet eye to eye with a leather clad, svelte figure,. His face is androgynous. "Kadaj..?"

"Bright girl."


	3. From Afar

Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews. Keep em coming! But honestly... Those who are not interested in the pairing and the fact that they're already souls... Stop flaming. I'm telling you… their deaths sparks something very interesting and you'll find out what is it in the next chapters. Thanks!

**From Afar**

He stood a few feet away from her. _Another lonely soul. Come join my misery._

"What do you want from me?", Tifa asked, fists clenched in tension. Kadaj took a few steps away from the bench and into the aisle. They stood face to face.

"Nothing.", he answered blankly. "I want nothing from you."

"Really?", she raised an eyebrow. She crossed her arms to her chest and eyed him from head to toe. "Then why are you messing up with my head?", her tone has a hint of being certain, as if she knew he was lying and that she caught him.

Kadaj giggled a little.

"I'm not entering your thoughts whatsoever. You're simply—listening to me."

"Listening to you?", she asked impatiently. He nodded.

"It's a little cold and lonely in here don't you think?", he said, walking between the benches. "You mean this church?", she asked. "I wasn't here for too long so I cant tell." He paused.

"Newcomer, right?", he stared blankly at her. _He looks so lonely. _"Welcome to the afterlife."

She was getting a little bit uneasy now. Walking a few steps forward in the aisle, she kept her eyes on him, her face marked with tension and alertness. Kadaj sighed.

"I wont hurt you. We're not in the living world, aren't we…", he sadly spoke. His question was more of a reassurance. "Besides… I don't have the reason to.", he smiled at her now. She got the logic. _No more Sephiroth. No more Jenova. Kadaj and I have nothing to do with each other now._ Her muscles relaxed. "What brings you here?", he asked. "Memories?"

_Memories? _"I don't know... perhaps."

"We still have them, don't we?", he continued, pacing between rows of benches, steps echoing. "Still have them here.", he repeatedly tapped the side of his head with a finger.

"Of course we do. I wouldn't remember you if I lost them.", she replied. He's absolutely right. Memories led her to the church. Perhaps he was dead long enough to decipher the moves of the souls: why they come to places that may resemble their experiences before and more. "What about you?", she asked back. He shook his head rapidly.

"This church has nothing to do with my memory.", he replied. "I'm not as predictable as you other souls are."

"What?", she suddenly lost her way in the conversation. "Predictable..?" He paused again.

"You came here because of your memories, right? Memories when you were alive. So at some point… you want to live again. And you feel that whenever you come here."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"_Mother…?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_I want to have a word with you."_

"_Why do you need to come here, then? You know I'm always with you.. in your thoughts. Is it so important that you need to see me face to face?"_

"_I guess so."_

"_Then I want to hear it."_

"… _I'm so lonely."_

"_Lonely? But I talk to you everyday."_

"_I find it so cold here. Like… I'm missing a lot of things. I don't think we don't have any difference with the living anymore. Except that… they can choose to end their misery. Mother… I'm so alone! Everyone around me seems to be happy and it seems that they are mocking me because I don't feel the same as them! I…"_

"_Hush now. If they are happy… then you could be too. Listen to them, they are not mocking you. You've been here for quite a time now. I want you to be happy as you can be. Please help yourself."_

"_Please don't think that I'm not trying! I try everyday to be happy! So you would be proud and so I could be alright! But I've made up my mind… I want… to be alive again."_

"… _I'm afraid there's nothing I can do to grant your wish."_

Dismissing his wish was easier than she thought it would be. At the sound of her sad, hopeless voice, he gave up that moment. It took eternity as he stared back at her with eyes so lonely, agonizing, and if ever they could muster a few words or even push his lips to speak, they would cry out, _WHY?! _After what seemed to be forever, he turned his back on her, but she was pretty sure that she saw glittering crystal tears forming in his eyes. Even if she didn't see so she could always feel his soul hurting anyway. And guilt shivered through her body, but she knew it wouldn't be wise to take back what she had said.

Shaking the memory off her head, Aerith went behind her friend a wisp of air. She has this knack of making the souls feel her presence before she actually takes form and appear before them. Tifa, being a close friend, is most likely to expect this. She knew because the moment she touched her hair, making it dance in the wind, Tifa whispered, "You're here."

"Our friends… how are they?", Aerith asked, finally showing her form.

"Do you really need to ask me that?", with a giggle Tifa replied. "I know you watch thme everyday, despite your role here in Lifestream. You see… I met this little girl and she knew that we're friends. You speak to them, don't you…"

"Right.", Aerith confirmed. "I speak to them everyday. They need to be happy."

"I guess they all are.", Tifa said, remembering the smiling faces that welcomed her in her first moment in the afterlife. Somehow, doubt came out with her voice.

"No you don't… right?", Aerith asked. _I know everything. _

"Kadaj."

"Tifa… Kadaj is just lost. And he needs me. He needs to come back to me. Sooner, he will be alright. I will take care of him."

With a smile, Tifa nodded in agreement. She felt the wind play with her hair before it finally flew away slowly. _There is nothing in this world that Aerith does not care about. _

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Sunlight stroked Tifa's face. They sounded like morning bells waking the entire town. _But did I really sleep? _She felt as light as when she first came in Lifestream. In the living world you could wake up heavy and pulped in the morning, but not in the afterlife where everything is perfect.

Not long after that, she was walking along the road again, eager to explore what's more in the environment. _I wonder what Cloud is doing right now._

She shrugged the thought away. Aerith would be taking care of them, she assured herself. Her worries about her friends are simply things that she will overcome soon—the moment that she finds happiness among the souls.

At the far end of the road, she spotted a familiar figure with its back on her, facing the church. _Crystal. _

"Hey kid. What's new?", she called after hurrying to her spot. After all, she is the only one whom she knew—just yet. Crystal turned around at the sound of Tifa's voice.

"Good morning!", Crystal said. Then she turned her head back to the church's direction, making Tifa avert her gaze. "Wouldn't you be playing with Bambi inside the church today?", Tifa asked. To her surprise, Crystal shook her head tensely.

"…Why?"

"…There's a weird man in the church. And I keep hearing his thoughts in my head."


End file.
